four quarters > one-hundred pennies

Perfectionists are funny people. We know perfection doesn't exist, but we try anyway. For myself, I've tried to make perfect art perfect plans perfect routines be the perfect friend, sister the perfect teacher And I absolutely know that I've failed miserably every single time. But the thing I strive to be most and fail at …

the guilt in…feeling things

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/03/magazine/steven-yeun.html?action=click&module=RelatedLinks&pgtype=Article "...every stand you take for authenticity triggers its own questions about what constitutes authenticity. And once you feel comfortable with the integrity of your work, someone says something that flips everything around, and you’re right back staring at your own lying face.There’s something I’ve realized over the past decade of writing about race and …

two paths, two gates.

“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." -Matthew 7:13-14 I was raised in the church. Same passage, same message. I felt …

stories we carry.

Time is slipping. Life has a way of doing thatso quietly that you barely notice. I watched four movies in the past 24 hours; the most I've watched in a day. Weekend. Month. Or maybe even a year? I wonder why I've never bothered getting into movies. I think I had the mindset that if …

Burnout. The temptation to seclude has sneaked its way back. But this time, I know better than to give in. i. I combat it by phoning some friends. Some conversations are kept light, while others reminisce and spiral into the deep. ii. I invite myself over to a friend's. We mindlessly lounge and re-watch the …

on mortality.

Being Mortal, Atul Gawande     "Cartensen gave her hypothesis the impenetrable name 'socioemotional selectivity theory.' The simpler way to say it is that perspective matters. She produced a series of experiments to test the idea. In one, she and her team studied a group of adult men ages twenty-three to sixty-six. Some of the …

As long as I strive to be wise, and to commit to the ones and things I love—this life is not wasted.

to remember their stories.

  "To forget the dead would be akin to killing them a second time."   Elie Wiesel asks of us to remember.   Not to feel guilt, but simply to carry their stories. The stories of those who faced unspeakable pain, stories that came into the world vulnerable to ignorant criticism. It is one thing …

I suppose one of the reasons we’re all able to continue to exist for our allotted span in this green and blue vale of tears is that there is always, however remote it might seem, the possibility of change.-Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, Gail Honeyman

parasite.

Film directors have figured out how to make us ugly cry. Or maybe I am just getting more emotional. Recently, two movies have had me sobbing, which is extremely out of my character.  I want to share them. (Spoilers await)    The first film is the beloved Parasite (기생충). I first watched it in Korea, …